Developing a Taste

By Steve Riddell

Do you like sugar?
Why do people become alcoholics?
Why is food, sugar, chocolate so addicting?
Have you ever done something once…..that once you did it….you had to do it again and again?
I call it developing a taste.
What Tastes are we developing in our young men and young women?
Titus 2:4-5

Young women are to be taught to:

• Be Sober (Self-Controlled)
• Love their Husbands
• Love their Children
• Discreet
• Chaste (Pure) 
• Keepers at home Titus 2:5
• Good (Kind)
• Obedient to their own husbands

Titus 2:6-8

• Young Men are to be exhorted to be
• Sober minded (Self-Controlled)
• In all things showing thyself a pattern of good works
• In doctrine
• Showing incorruptness (Integrity)
• Gravity (Seriousness)
• Sincerity
• Sound Speech, that cannot be condemned

I Thess 4:11

“Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life, to mind your own business and to work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and that you will not be dependent on anybody”

Luke 14:28 – For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have enough to finish it? Lest, happily after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish it.
For which of you, intending to raise a young man, able to stand alone, and a young woman who is chaste and a keeper at home, sitteth not down first and counteth the cost, whether he have enough to finish it? Lest happily, after he hath laid a foundation, and is not able to finish the task, all that behold the children, begin to mock him saying….This man had a large family, but was not able to finish the task of raising his son or daughter.

 INDEPENDENCE VS DEPENDENCE – Are we cultivating the wrong tastes in our daughters?

Are we cultivating the taste of dependence in our young men?
Are we cultivating the taste of independence in our young women?

Young Women (Titus 2 and Proverbs 31 both clearly teach that we are to teach our young women to be keepers at home)

They need to learn
Dependence and Surrender

 Let me read an excerpt from Elisabeth Elliot from her book, “Discovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood”

But God did not abandon His self-willed creatures. In His inexorable love He demonstrated exactly what He had had in mind by calling Himself a Bridegroom---the Initiator, Protector, Provider, Lover---and Israel His bride, His beloved. He rescued her, called her by name, wooed and won her, grieved when she went whoring after other gods. In the New Testament we find the mystery of marriage again expressing the inexpressible relationship between the Lord and His people, the husband standing for Christ in his headship, the wife standing for the church in her submission. This Spirit-inspired imagery is not to be shuffled about and rearranged according to our whims and preferences. Mystery must be handled not only with care but also with reverence and awe.

The gospel story begins with the Mystery of Charity. A young woman is visited by an angel, given a stunning piece of news about becoming the mother of the Son of God. Unlike Eve, whose response to God was calculating and self-serving, the virgin Mary's answer holds no hesitation about risks or losses or the interruption of her own plans. It is an utter and unconditional self-giving: "I am the Lord's servant. . . . May it be to me as you have said" (Luke 1:38). This is what I understand to be the essence of femininity. It means surrender.

Think of a bride. She surrenders her independence, her name, her destiny, her will, herself to the bridegroom in marriage. This is a public ceremony, before God and witnesses. Then, in the marriage chamber, she surrenders her body, her priceless gift of virginity, all that has been hidden. As a mother she makes a new surrender---it is her life for the life of the child. This is most profoundly what women were made for, married or single (and the special vocation of the virgin is to surrender herself for service to her Lord and for the life of the world).

Question: Is it possible, that we as parents, unknowingly and unwittingly develop a taste in our young men to be dependent….and our young women to be independent.
Women: 

Sending them off to college
Having them leave for long periods of time for work outside the home
Working at jobs outside of the home
Encouraging women to have a career

Characteristics I have observed in Women in the Workplace

• Tend to convert their appearance to be more like a man
• Tend to speak like men
•  Especially vulgar, curse words
•  Some succumb to stress related male-pattern-baldness
• Tend to be very competitive
• Get acquainted with power….and tend to like it
• Are much more intolerant of other laid back women
• Are brutal with meek men
• Can be even more brutal with any man that they find intimidating or threatening to their job security
•  Tend to do what it takes to succeed
•  Take up golf
•  Smoke cigars
• Go out with the guys to be accepted
• Drink alcohol
• Tend to view domestic duties in the home as menial
•  Tend to have nannies or someone to look after the kids

The power of being a dependent wife

• It forces a husband to lead
•  It liberates the wife
•  It builds her husband up
• He feels and acts more like a man should
• He tends to take more responsibility
• He very quickly learns the hazards and penalties for not taking responsibility
• Joy is found in serving
•  The heart of a woman becomes centered on the home

Dependent Men

• Have a hard time growing up and some never do
• Become reliant on someone else
• Always look to someone else to solve their problems
• Have a hard time finding a job
• Don’t know how to compete
• Become slothful
• Have motherly characteristics—Instead of a heart toward home, they develop a heart to be at home
•  Take little responsibility
• Have a difficult time with relationships
• View women as chattel
• Often develop close associations with other men or “buddies”
• Usually have no goals or aspirations

Independent Women

• Often become control freaks
• View marriage in 50/50 terms
• Have trouble with marriage and usually divorce
• Work hard at being intimidating, especially to men
• Develop a spirit far removed from what most would define as "sweet"
  
• Always have something to say and very often speak for the family
• Take the lead in decision making, many times over the objections of their husbands
• Define their success in terms that go beyond the home
• Lead, when it appears that their husband won’t
• Complain often that their husbands won’t lead
• Speak to other women about the failings of their husband
• Have their own bank accounts

So what is a parent to do?

1. Count the Cost
1. Most of us have taken the first step
2. We homeschool to avoid the worldly influences
3. Only to be influenced by what the world defines as success
2. Start with the End in Mind
1. Again, God said it long before Stephen Covey in his book 7 Habits of Highly Successful People coined it…..Count the Cost or Start with the end picture in mind.
3. Everything you do has to have the end result in mind
1. In all decisions, ask yourself…..what is this leading my young daughter to….a spirit of dependence or independence? 
2. Will this decision breed a sense of independence in her that she may never recover from again?
4. Pray for Wisdom
5. Use God’s blueprint, not the worlds

Have you counted the cost? Do we build in vain? Do we lay a foundation only to run out of options when we need them the most? Are we following the world’s formula for success?

The thought of going back to a life without “sugar” is just not an option.

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